Handsome Boy Modeling School - White People

Review -- As you know by now, I approach anything by Dan the Automator the way that smelly girl Sheena, from fourth grade, approached tater tot Fridays. Left hand over mouth, right briskly fanning myself. Ohmygawd, ohgawd, ohgawd, raspy and high-pitched, trying not to hyper-ventilate. Since the first time Peter Murray popped Dr Octagon into his player freshman year of college I've been hooked. I heard the first Handsome Boy Modeling School album soon after and the two albums, taken in tandem, unveiled to my hickish, malformed teen brain the possibilities of hip-hop as a destination art form, rather than merely something to listen to when you got tired of your Bad Religion albums.

HBMS is a team-up with Prince Paul, a fairly seminal DJ in his own right. In high school, his work on Gravediggaz' first album helped break the rap stranglehold WuTang Clan had on my tape deck since freshman year.

So there's that, the three of us share a lot of history [known only to myself], and I credit them with much of the open-mindedness I possess today. Gravediggaz made me scared when I was brave, Deltron 3030 made me feel space-aged even in my vintage wrangler shirts, Dr Octogon made me laugh at poop and pee when I thought I was over that sort of thing, and HBMS reminded me that personal grooming is important, even if you never talk to any girls.

But I'd heard really, unequivocally bad things about this new album, White People, so I avoided it the way Cure fans avoid Blue Sunshine. Then, in Seattle this past weekend, I came across a used copy of their first album and bought it again [I lose CDs at a rate of 3 per hour], which meant I obviously also had to buy their new CD as well. Which meant I also had to buy a handful of non-rap CDs so the guy with the devil-lock at the register wouldn't think I was trying to date a black girl or something.

White People is bad--real bad--but, contrary to what I'd heard, not unequivocally so. By now I'm just about sick to death of hearing HBMS mainstay Del tha Funky Homosapien rap over an Automator beat, but the first album's strength was the eclectic collaborations Prince Paul and Automator willed into existence. This time, like last, while the usual suspects burnish tired flows, the guests shine like new dimes. White People has John Oates [yeah, of Hall and Oates], The Mars Volta, The Rza, and even schizophrenic indie diva Cat Power. The result is spotty at best. On I've Been Thinking, the latter brings her sad, frightened croon to lyrics Coolio gave up on ten years ago.

You can slide slide slippity slide/you can hip hop, and don't stop

She sounds really uncomfortable saying such things. It's hilarious.

The Greatest Mistake, with John Oates, is all fuzz-wah guitar and trite lyrics delivered with that crappy Jason-Mraz-style white boy funk thing. It will play well on college radio.

The most fully executed track is the simple drum beat, Bee Gees violin and dirty riffs of A Day in the Life. It's a good compliment to Rza's marble-mouthed kung-fu growl.

We collect antique ammunitions and plus we got them big guns you only see in science fictions

The chorus is supplied with the usual operatic decadence of Mars Volta's Bixler and Rodriquez-Lopez.

How many times have you let your tongue go slip from the grin in your teeth and the cracks of your lips/ I never heard such nerve before, but your vanity'll spill slowly through the cracks in my pores/Just to please you honey

But then, after that, they replay a Tim Meadows skit they'd already put on the first album. Tacky.

So here, go to iTunes or whatever and get those tracks [not The Greatest Mistake], then write a letter to The School, reminding them of their pedigree and asking them to clean up their act and fly straight.